A message from the mayor:
I am the rightful and only true mayor of Rudee Valley. Although Christopher McQuilkin claims to be mayor, he is a liar and also a poor cook. I once had dinner at his house, and the pot roast had oregano on it. Who puts oregano on pot roast? Really. And I heard he really likes that TV show about that guy with the glasses. That show is so stupid. Thinking about McQuilkin is giving me a headache. I'm going home early.
Mayor Pete "Bob" Arescu
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Rudee Valley Nuclear Power Plant is today emitting
MILD
radiation to the area. Recommended maximum time spent outdoors is 41 minutes/day. Consumption of local fish, beef or grains is not recommended. The Rudee Valley Nuclear Power Plant welcomes you to Rudee Valley. |
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Ann Peralta at the Rudee Valley Public Library is missing her damn pen again. If someone will please buy a Bic Sharpwriter for 69 cents and tell her they found it in the Classics section, it would be VERY MUCH appreciated.
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Jan.
12 : Rudee Valley Reverse Rodeo
Cowboys try to buck off the intrepid bulls riding them. Cattle clad in colorful make-up and red noses are charged by nude men.
Spectators sell beer to roving concessionaires.
URV Stadium |
Feb.
3 : Rudee
Valley Calamine Lotion Festival
The
product Rudee Valley is synonymous with is celebrated in this annual
festival dating back to 1938. Take a dip in the Calamine Pool; set
a new record in the Lotion Application Race; sample calamine lotion
flavored ice cream.
Calamine Field |
Feb.
21 : Bamford
Aquarium Labor Day
Inventory Reduction Fish Fry
all
you can eat $6.99
Bamford Aquarium Parking
Lot A |
Mar.
9 : Diaperene
International
Baby Stacking Competition
Masonic Hall |
Apr. 2 : Learning-Disabled Animals Parade
Trepanation Avenue |
Apr.
27 : Rudee Valley Sexually-Confused
Men's Choir Singalong
This year featuring "Wipeout" and "Tequila"
RV Civic Auditorium |
May 10
: ASPCA Puppy Tasting
Masonic Hall |
Jun.
20 : West Nebraska Dental Association
Fillings for Fun Day
Rudee Valley Medical Bldg. |
Jul.
6 : R.V. Hospital Terminal Disease Screening
and Singles Mixer
R.V. General Hospital |
Aug.
25 : National Phlegm Collector's
Association conference
Rudee Valley Marriott conf. rm. B |
Sep.
3 : annual Young Republicans
age-limit raising ceremony
Lepetomane Park |
Nov.
15 : Girl Scout Lice Check Jamboree
Lepetomane Park |
Dec.
4 : Radioactive Waste Sculpting Competition
Masonic Hall |
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Rudee
Valley History
In the 1500's, long before European settlement in the Veronnika Lake region, the Geswataysaw tribe fished and hunted on the plains of what would become Rudee County. The Geswataysaw soon found that its fishing and hunting skills were not proficient enough to support the tribe and instead began to run check-cashing services. With this move, the Geswataysaw prospered and were able to hire other tribes to do their fishing and hunting.
In the 1600s, Belgian explorers such as Jean Waffle encountered the Geswataysaw, who by this time had become quite sophisticated in their financial dealings. The explorers inevitably left the area saddled with onerous loan terms and with most of their crucial supplies gone, having traded them for timeshare rights on the local land.
Sometime around 1720, the Geswataysaw disappeared. Legend has it that they were driven into the hills by a pack of grey wolves, but some historians believe that the impending investigation of the management of the Geswataysaw High-Yield Hunting Fund may have been responsible.
The county's first permanent white settlers were Decrease and Temptation McOhoe. Decrease was an entrepreneur in the pebble business, and was lured to the area by its rich potential for pebble mining. McOhoe Pebble Company eventually became Consolidated Pebble, then Pebbles International, then PebCo Inc., before becoming an unnamed rest stop along I-52. All that remains locally today of this once-thriving industry is the little-attended pebble-themed amusement park in nearby Pudding Hill.
Today, Rudee Valley and the whole Veronnika Lake region offer many opportunities to experience our rich heritage. Our local museums and landmarks will take you back to bygone days, and our thoroughly inbred population has changed little in demeanor or tolerance over the centuries. Come visit us, and see why we say "If you lived here, you'd be a resident."
Rudee Valley Historicality Association |
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